sexualshame

What is the impact of generational trauma? How do we count the emotional cost of generational trauma? This photograph from Sydney Sims says it all. We spend our lives trying to paste on a smile to cover up the hole at the heart of our existence—a hole that has no obvious source. And because it […]

In What is unconscious shame? I described how all the feminine aspects of our being—our emotions, our feelings about our body and our sexuality—have been pushed down into our unconscious by several millennia of patriarchal culture. In this blog I want to focus on what is perhaps the most significant and difficult part of this […]

In Hessa – my first experience of porn I wrote about seeing porn at 10 when I was exposed to a softcore sex comic in Switzerland. The comic was part of a series called ‘Hessa’: The Hessa series spanned 47 episodes from 1970 to 1972. They followed the improbably sex-sodden adventures of Obersturmbahnfuherin (I think I got […]

One of the more curious effects of the 2020 coronavirus outbreak has been to highlight potential sexual indiscretions in South Korea. This conservative Asian nation is highly sensitive to perceived sexual impropriety, i.e. sexual shame. Official health notices intended to curb the spread of coronavirus have been used to identify potential sexual activity that’s socially […]

Late in 2018 I chose to challenge myself. I joined a public speaking club, did a 43-metre bungy jump, and contacted Life Drawing MK about modelling. Why life modelling? Two decades ago, travelling frequently as an IT consultant, I became addicted to pornography. Through personal development I overcame the addiction—only to find it stemmed from […]

In What is ancestral trauma?, I wrote how traumas that occurred thousands of years ago yet remain embedded as genetic memories in our collective unconscious. As we go deep into our healing journey, these age-old traumas can surface for resolution through porn. In that post, I posited the origin of these traumas: How far back […]

It’s a common misconception that lap-dancing clubs, or gentlemen’s clubs, as they are otherwise (and somewhat euphemistically) known, sell sex*. What they actually sell is an invisible boundary between fake sex and real sex. The purpose of lap-dancing clubs is to give men the impression that they are sexually attractive and proficient when the reality […]

We tend to think of sex as a component of our love lives, and that’s it. When we have a romantic partner, we have sex with them. Period. We don’t always realise that beyond sex lies the broader spectrum of sexuality, or sexual energy—and that it encompasses a quadrant of related energies. Quadrant We tend […]

When it comes to porn therapies, there are two ways you can go. The first is the way that most of us unconsciously drift into—symptom management. We try to stop watching porn, first by a simple act of will: “No, I’m not going there. All right, I’ll watch a little porn—but on a timer. I’ll […]

A lady friend recently recounted to me that she had been sitting on a train next to a man who was openly watching porn on his mobile. My friend felt very uncomfortable and found another seat. This raises the question, is consuming porn in public now acceptable? In other words, has porn become so prevalent […]