sensitivity

The word ‘patriarchy’ is mostly understood in simplistic terms. Patriarchies are societies where men rule, and women get bashed down. The problem with this view is that it clouds the extent to which such societies distort natural human functioning and wellbeing. The best-kept secret of patriarchy is that everything is toxic. We’ve been living in […]

In Patriarchy demands that our relationships are stagnant, I describe how our current human paradigm only survives by locking us into relationships that promise satisfaction but are in fact emotionally and sexually sterile. To achieve this, patriarchy has a mechanism for neutering each successive generation. Puberty shames teens into psychic stagnation. With the onset of […]

On this site I’ve catalogued the emotional mechanics that govern our lives. We have to work with those mechanics as we go through the process of clearing our emotional damage. Of the laws of emotional mechanics, this is one of the more sobering. Collectively, these laws teach us neutrality. They bring us into balance. But […]

In What is unconscious shame?, What is sexual shame?, What is generational trauma? and other posts I’ve written about the layer of unconscious, invisible shame and trauma that overlays our whole society. This raises a question: why are some people hugely affected and others hardly at all? I can answer this in two words: human […]

One of the more curious effects of the 2020 coronavirus outbreak has been to highlight potential sexual indiscretions in South Korea. This conservative Asian nation is highly sensitive to perceived sexual impropriety, i.e. sexual shame. Official health notices intended to curb the spread of coronavirus have been used to identify potential sexual activity that’s socially […]

In recent months I’ve been having the same conversation over and over with people who are involved in personal development, building emotional integrity and improving the quality of their relationships. There is a hole at the heart of their most significant relationship, their marriage. It’s the hole where we hide our truest selves from the […]

I have been writing about shame for a long time. About how patriarchy created societies where everyone was ashamed of the emotional and sexual aspects of their lives because these conflicted with other qualities—strength, intelligence, obedience—that were required to ensure survival. This shame exists as layers of emotional toxins stored in both the emotional body—what […]

As a child, I can remember hiding behind the sofa as the nefarious Daleks sought universal domination in what seem now rather quaint episodes of Dr Who. As an adult, Ridley Scott’s Alien is the only film that truly scared me. I never knew why—until recently. Referencing the Rolling Stones song ‘Sympathy for the Devil’, […]

When I was young, for a few years we used to holiday at a hotel on Lake Lugano in northern Italy. And, every year, two English gentlemen—brothers—were there at the same time. One of them was called Derek. The name of the other escapes me, but we saw them so regularly they were referred to […]

We all suffer from emotional pain. Whether it’s the trauma of separation, the grief of someone close to us dying or the acute pain of a miscarriage, we’ve all been there, we don’t want a T-shirt and we don’t want to go back. But let’s stop for a moment and ask: what is emotional pain? […]