I can still remember the day in 1994, shortly after the end of a long-term relationship, that I lay on the floor in a foetal curl, howling with pain. On that day, I swore I would change. No matter how long it took, no matter how much it cost, no matter how much it hurt—I would change.
How do we achieve the kind of change that breaks entrenched habits and heals deep emotional issues?
I didn’t know this quote from Carl Jung back then, but it casts brilliant light upon this question:
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
I was a process analyst and software developer for industrial and governmental clients in New Zealand, Asia, North America, and Britain. I began—unconsciously at first—to apply my analytical skills to my own emotional processes. I discovered the “shambles” described by 1960s British counter-culture psychologist R.D. Laing:
“When our personal worlds are rediscovered… we discover first a shambles… genitals dissociated from heart; heart severed from head; heads dissociated from genitals.”
Healing this “shambles” took a quarter of a century, cost everything I had and more besides, and hurt beyond anything I could imagine. I realised I was ashamed of the feminine side of my being—my emotions and sexuality. This unconscious shame locked me into disempowering beliefs and dysfunctional behaviours.
It took me a while to realise this unconscious shame is endemic. It surfaces in a fear of public speaking or being photographed. In fears of authority, responsibility and commitment. In embarrassment with bodily functions and sexuality. It underlies anxiety, panic attacks, addictions and self-harm, as well as all dysfunctional sexual behaviour, such as porn addiction.
This led me into the world of education, where I became the Chair of Governors of my son’s primary school. In 2010 I was commissioned by the Thames Valley Police to create a primary school musical on the emotional roots of extreme behaviour. When Chemistry goes Bang! has been staged at several schools in Milton Keynes.
In 2016 I partnered with the Milton Keynes Council to create Stepping Stones: building school capacity to resist radicalisation. This workshop has been successfully delivered to local primary schools.
I was part of the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children’s ChildLine Schools Service, educating primary school children to recognise all forms of abuse. I also have an NCFE-certified Advanced (Level 4) Diploma in Life Coaching from Stonebridge College.
I’ve spent the last quarter of a century bringing the unconscious to light. I’ve healed deep damage and gained extraordinary insight into the human condition in general and badly wounded male sexuality in particular.
“Michael helped me to see that I was not a victim of porn, rather that porn was a very diverse communication tool to help me to see myself, acting like a mirror.”
CD, Canterbury, UK
My passion is to help you empty your own unconscious with as much ease and grace as possible—which, admittedly, sometimes isn’t much. For the deeper we dig, the more our unconscious damage surfaces in our lives. I’ve made mistakes, acted inappropriately and hurt people I care about, which I deeply regret.
My blog posts focus on men’s wellbeing, unconscious behaviour and the damaging effects of shame.
“Michael is obviously a deep thinker and this combined with his rollicking writing style makes for an easy and entertaining read without losing the wonderful depth of meaning he offers us.”
Joan Morgan McCarthy, author of Peace and Harmony: Reenvisioning Sexuality Education
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