The mother wound constellation
Do you recognise this constellation of wounded beliefs and behaviours, in your life? Some of these elements or terms may not be familiar, but the overall pattern may be.
It’s a toxic web of deeply embedded self-reinforcing beliefs and behaviours that are widespread in contemporary society—so widespread as to appear normal.
I could add in other elements like low self-worth, health and wealth issues, and emotional immaturity and irresponsibility.
At the heart of this constellation—so buried in shame, pain, and emotional immaturity as to be almost invisible—lies the mother wound, humanity’s single point of failure and the goal of all root-cause-resolution therapeutic work.
The constellation
Let’s look briefly at its elements:
- Shame—I place this at the apex of the constellation as it’s the piece that obscures all the other pieces, including itself: a fog of unconscious shame that society is largely (and wants to remain) oblivious to
- Porn addiction—very little to do with sex and mostly a reflection of a damaged connection to our own life energy, porn addiction is an extraordinary mirror of the wounds of our deep unconscious—if we have the courage to look within
- Abandonment—a recurring theme among those affected by this constellation; very often having affected our parents and grandparents then replicated in our own childhoods and adult relationships
- Lack of boundaries—an inability to stop others imposing their will on us and, equally, an inability to stop inappropriately imposing our will on others
- Lack of agency—an inability to guide the course of our own life to successful outcomes, dogged by lack of clarity, indecision, apathy and procrastination
- Inherited trauma—a wide array of possible traumas from instances of emotional overwhelm our ancestors suffered and were never able to process, such as divorces, financial failures, sexual shame, and grief
- Mother wound—the origin of the constellation, in the historical rupture of the mother-child bond that occurred around 6,000 years ago due to long-term drought, desertification, and prolonged famine in Africa, Arabia, and Asia, exported around the world through the subsequent spread of patriarchy
Reaching for the stars
I discovered this constellation within myself, little by little.
In How porn addiction led me to the mother wound I describe my own journey from an itinerant IT consultant in America, addicted to porn while living out of a suitcase, to recognising the unconscious shame our society is mired in.
That journey eventually led to uncovering inherited traumas, as I describe in Living with ghosts – confronting generational trauma. Subsequent events revealed the other elements of the constellation to the mother wound at its core, often through painful experiences of conflict and loss.
Yet through the shame, pain, and loss an emergence happens. Like the caterpillar that, in its cocoon, melts into a soup with no recognisable DNA only to emerge as a butterfly, we too can reach for the stars through deep inner work.
We can’t change the past—our own life, let alone those of our ancestors—but we can release the genetic memories of trauma, abandonment, and low self-worth, regardless of their source. As we release the mother wound constellation our lives shine brighter, and we step more fully into ourselves.
Next steps
Click on one of these key topics, or book a free 1-2-1 chat with me.
Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash