As a left-brain, masculine-dominant society we tend to assume that our intellect is the only diagnostic tool at our disposal. We solve problems by thinking, regardless of their nature.

Yet the world is full of problems that our intelligence has failed to solve.

Thinking about thinking

When we have a problem, our intellect kicks into gear and we run through a laundry list of possible solutions. Get a tool, buy a book, watch a DIY YouTube video, take an online course, or call a specialist. Turn whatever it is off and on. Twice. Replace the batteries. As a last resort, read the manual.

When it comes to fixing logical, direct, physical problems, this works well. Yet as soon as we venture into the world of emotional and sexual issues, we run into a fog, an impenetrable wall of stuckness (which isn’t a word but should be).

Tick-box approaches no longer work. IKEA assembly plans resemble Escher drawings. Flowcharts disappear up themselves. The more we intellectualise the problem, the more remote, intangible and unfixable it seems.

The problem lies in the way we think about thinking. Or, more accurately, how we don’t think about how we think.

Solve problems at their source

Patriarchy has unconsciously taught us to think that thinking can solve all problems. The reality is that left-brain thinking can solve left-brain problems; right-brain feeling is necessary for solving right-brain emotional or sexual issues.

The cause is hemispheric dominance—the model that (a) brain functions are specialised between the left and right hemispheres, (b) intellectual processing occurs in the left brain, and (c) most people are left-brain dominant.

When our only point of reference is the intellectual left brain, we have no access to the instinctive, intuitive solutions only the right brain can provide.

There is only one way to cross the corpus callosum—the great divide between the two brain lobes—and access the magical realm of the right brain: feel.

As we grope our way inch by painful inch into the virgin territory of the right brain, we discover a fundamental rule. We must solve problems at their source: we must think our way out of logic issues, feel our way out of emotional issues and fuck our way out of sexual ones.

We must solve problems at their source: we must think our way out of logic issues, feel our way out of emotional issues and fuck our way out of sexual ones.

Penis normalis

In the not too distant past, when people had emotional issues they were simply told, “Get over it” or “Pull yourself together.” Over the last couple of decades, the reality that there is no mechanical solution to emotional issues has become much more accepted. Yet the concept that sexual issues require sexual healing has not followed suit.

What is sexual healing? It’s the conscious application of sexual energy to heal psychosexual disturbances.

Sexual healing has been around for a while. Over a century ago, the Austrian gynaecologist Rudolf Chrobak stated bluntly: “We know only too well what the only prescription is for such cases, but we can’t prescribe it. It is: Penis normalis, dosim. Repetatur!

Unconscious shame

Psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich believed that all neuroses were ultimately caused by a disturbance of sexual energy. “Those who are psychically ill need but one thing—complete and repeated genital gratification.”

Reich found that sex only proved to be a remedy when the patient achieved complete genital gratification, i.e. they surrendered to the pleasure of orgasm without any inhibition.

Surely we all do that?

No. We don’t. Most of us are so inhibited by unconscious sexual shame that we don’t allow the biological discharge of tension that is the deep purpose of sex.

Problems must be solved at their source. For sexual issues, that means directly engaging with your own disturbed sexuality. You can’t heal it from a distance, from the ivory tower of the intellect.

Whether you’re dealing with porn addiction, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or any other psychosexual issue, the path to wellness begins with releasing unconscious shame.

Photo by Volodymyr Hryshchenko on Unsplash