Shame

I have written a lot about shame, and I have written a lot about patriarchy. But never before have I articulated the connection between them so clearly. Shame is the lock that keeps patriarchy in place. This realisation came to me after reading Proverbs chapter 7, verse 13, in the bible (Contemporary English Version): “She […]

Australian Channel Nine newsreader Samantha Heathwood has acquired celebrity status after images of her wearing a jacket with a penis-shaped neckline went viral in early January 2019. The jacket makes Heathwood appear as if she has a large phallus dangling from her neck with its tip nestling between her breasts. Heathwood follows in the footsteps—if […]

“It’s not your fault.” In the Oscar-winning film Good Will Hunting, much-loved actor Robin Williams plays a psychologist who treats an angry, uncommunicative South Boston janitor (played by Matt Damon) who turns out to be a self-taught mathematical genius. In the film’s cathartic moment, Williams’ psychologist repeatedly tells Will Hunting that his mental issues are […]

I recently started life modelling—posing naked for artists to draw the human body. Even in life drawing, as in everywhere in our patriarchy-based society, there is shame. As a keen observer and reporter of sexual shame I was interested to see how it played out in this arena where nudity was de rigeur. So far […]

I’ve written extensively on this site how sexual shame unconsciously affects the entire spectrum of human sexual behaviour, both psychologically and in the bedroom arts. But let’s go one step further. Could it even affect that Holy Grail of male sexual one-upmanship, the physical size of the penis? Before answering this touchy question, we first […]

“Our world is becoming increasingly visual. Yet, when it comes to the visual expression around sexual subjects, we’re limited to medical diagrams and porn.” So writes Mikael Cho, Founder/CEO of the excellent free stock photo website Unsplash, as he announces a new style of safe-sex photography: unporn. Unporn consists of non-sexual images that suggest a variety […]

When I was young, for a few years we used to holiday at a hotel on Lake Lugano in northern Italy. And, every year, two English gentlemen—brothers—were there at the same time. One of them was called Derek. The name of the other escapes me, but we saw them so regularly they were referred to […]

I have blogged repeatedly about society’s unconscious shame about emotions and sexuality, a shame that—as well as erupting in violently destructive ways—largely hides in plain sight. Our unconscious sense of ‘sex is dirty’ and ‘I’m not good enough because I have sexual feelings’ not only forms the basis of society’s sexual etiquette but also manifests […]

In an article titled ‘Teens who hide sexuality at higher risk of suicide’ (1), SOS Safety Magazine reports on a recent study by the American Journal of Preventative Medicine. The study is titled ‘Sexual Orientation Discordance and Nonfatal Suicidal Behaviors in U.S. High School Students’ (2). Thankfully SOS Safety Magazine is on hand to translate […]

Shifting Sands, an exhibition at the British Civil War Centre in Newark, examines the perennially fascinating story of T. E. Lawrence—a.k.a. Lawrence of Arabia—from multiple perspectives: historical, archaeological and personal. Pursuing clues in Lawrence’s brilliant work on the Arab Revolt, Seven Pillars of Wisdom, archaeologists have discovered places like Tooth Hill—a Lawrence campsite—and the remains […]