Body shaming – bringing the penis into the light
The penis is a difficult thing. Like anything difficult, we tend to sweep it under the carpet and deal with it by not dealing with it. This unspoken, unconscious “warding off” of the awkwardness of the penis perpetuates body shaming through inaction, both historical and current, leading to various physical and physiological problems.
What is body shaming?
“Body shaming is the action or inaction of subjecting someone to humiliation and criticism for their bodily features. There are so many types of body shaming, including but not limited to fat-shaming, shaming for thinness, height-shaming, shaming of hairiness (or lack thereof), of hair color, body shape, one’s muscularity (or lack thereof), shaming of penis size or breast size, shaming of looks (facial features), shaming of skin color, and in its broadest sense may even include shaming of tattoos and piercings, or diseases that leave a physical mark such as psoriasis.”
What I now perceive is a shame so severe it is beyond shaming. The male genital has been submerged. Outside of porn, the penis—and the erect penis in particular—has been shamed into invisibility.
I’m not trying to argue that the penis has been shamed more than any other body feature, only that the shaming is so deep and ancient it runs on autopilot.
A brief history of shame
In A brief history of shame, I describe how climate change some 6,000 years ago gave rise to the first patriarchies, who spread around the world on a wave of failed nurturing, violent sexuality, and military conquest.
Yet even in these masculine-dominant societies the penis was a symbol of shame. To be forced into public exposure was a sign of powerlessness and defeat. The Bible has several examples, including 2 Samuel 10:4-5:
“Hanun arrested David’s officials and had their beards shaved off on one side of their faces. He had their robes cut off just below the waist, and then he sent them away. They were terribly ashamed.”
Quoting from Thorkil Vanggaard’s Phallos: A Symbol and its History in the Male World, psychoanalytic historian Lloyd deMause writes: “To the Greeks and Romans, the glans was considered sacred; the sight of it ‘struck terror and wonder in the heart of man.’”
In its martial aspect, the penis was symbolically replaced by the legionnaire’s spear, the crusader’s sword, the infantryman’s rifle and bayonet. During the Rape of Nanking in 1937, Japanese troops raped and killed 20,000 Chinese women, many by a bayonet through the vagina.
Symptoms of penile body shaming
Many and varied are the manifestations, including but not limited to:
- Fear of exposure
- Erectile Dysfunction
- Premature ejaculation
- Castration anxiety
- Fear/shame/trauma from circumcision
- Shame of small penis size (and hence performance fears)
- Muscular tension throughout the pelvic area
Circumcision trauma exists even in men who haven’t been circumcised. It’s a historical pattern passed down as generational trauma. Some years ago, I released it: an intense pain in the glans that lasted around half an hour. That night, half-awake, I was acutely aware of Genesis 17 where Abraham is instructed to circumcise his people.
A client recently commented that using the perineal breathing technique (documented in Releasing Unconscious Shame) highlighted the physical tension blocking energy flow in the body.
All these fears and constrictions inhibit natural male functioning.
Involuntary erection
When I began life modelling in late 2018, my biggest fear was involuntary erection.
I remember my first session very clearly. I sat inside a semicircle of chairs which were occupied by a motley collection of artists, mostly older; I felt relieved there was no one of astounding beauty who might trigger an inappropriate display.
The seat at the midpoint of the circle was empty. For my first pose, still slightly nervous, I sat facing it, effectively shielding my genitals. A few minutes later, an attractive young lady came in and sat in the only spare seat—directly facing me. I had a momentary panic attack before she smiled straight at me then focused on drawing. All was well.
A couple of years later, the inevitable happened and I experienced an erection during a session. I felt a surge of guilt and shame. As a life model, there is nowhere to turn. Once you’ve chosen a pose, you’re committed; you can’t even move your eyes.
The man leading the session seemed to sense my discomfort and called out, “Are you alright?” I have no idea whether he responded consciously or unconsciously, but he set me at ease. No body shaming here.
Releasing shame
I describe this in detail because the journey of releasing shame is comprised of details. The abstract understanding that the penis (generically) and my penis (specifically) are in shame alters nothing.
We must bring the penis into the light of non-judgment, where its functioning can be restored through physical and physiological therapy. Not necessarily with a therapist, but in a deliberately therapeutic manner. We must undo several thousand years of unconscious body shaming.
Early psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich wrote that, “Man is the only biological species which has destroyed its own natural sex function, and that is what ails him.”
As men, our genitals—our point of connection to life energy—have been shamed into darkness. And that is what ails us. When our life connection suffers, everything suffers. It’s time, carefully and respectfully, to bring the penis into the light.
Next steps
For further resources on shame, both free and paid, please click on this image.
For further resources on sexuality, both free and paid, please click on this image.
Image courtesy of MK Life Drawing