It’s a provocative blog title, even a click-bait title. I have written extensively on this site how sexual shame unconsciously affects the entire spectrum of human sexual behaviour, both psychologically and in the bedroom arts. But let’s go one step further. Could it even affect that Holy Grail of male sexual one-upmanship, the physical size of the penis?

Before answering this touchy question, we first need to recognise that the penis has two sizes: flaccid and erect. (I hate the word flaccid. It sounds so… flaccid!) Studies have shown a wide variance in the ratio between these two states, with no recognised reason for this wide discrepancy.

Could it be that sexual shame is a factor? When we look at the hydraulics of the penis, this suddenly makes sense.

Hydraulics

It is a little known fact that the blood pressure inside the penis is only the same as the rest of the body when the penis is erect. When the penis is flaccid, its blood pressure is lower than the rest of the body. Erection occurs when millions of tiny valves at the base of the penis open, allowing blood into the trunk of the penis, equalising its pressure with the rest of the body.

We carry sexual shame not just in our psyches but our bodies too. When I first explored sexual shame I discovered that many of the muscles around my groin were tight as steel wire—tight with the tension of sexual shame. (I would note here that no full body massage will resolve this as that area of the body is considered off limits by the mainstream massage profession.)

Since releasing my shame, both physically and psychologically, I have noticed a significant increase in my flaccid size. This suggests that due to decreased muscle tension around the groin more blood is flowing into the penis in its low-pressure state. I realise my statistical sample is invalid, but if you’re interested in male sexual health this is definitely worth exploring.

Still, you say, this is hardly going to be of interest to the ladies.

Capillaries

André Van Lysebeth, a leading writer on Western Tantra, disagrees. In Tantra: The Cult of the Feminine, he claims that due to the typically short duration of Western (i.e. patriarchal) intercourse, most men never reach their full splendour. By contrast, in Tantric sex—where the aim is not male ejaculation but female orgasm, thus requiring much longer erections, a remarkable thing happens:

“Another interesting, almost unbelievable result of Tantric sex: the penis grows larger.” Van Lysebeth explains that the bulk of the penis is comprised of spongy tissue containing countless capillaries that expand when they fill with blood. “During a moderately powerful erection and a rather short intercourse, which is often the case in ordinary sex, these capillaries do not have the possibility to expand fully. This means that the majority of the men do not give their penis the opportunity to reach its true size.”

When we understand that not only is the whole modus operandi of patriarchal sex—centred on brief penetration terminated by male ejaculation—founded on shame, but also the size of the penis is diminished by shame, we can glimpse the truly horrific extent to which shame dominates our current sexual landscape

When we understand that not only is the whole modus operandi of patriarchal sex—centred on brief penetration terminated by male ejaculation—founded on shame, but also the size of the penis is diminished by shame, we can glimpse the truly horrific extent to which shame dominates our current sexual landscape.

Photo by Michael H Hallett