Leonardo da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man illustrates the ideal man. We cannot be ideal humans until we have wellbeing in every area of our lives.
Complete wellbeing means unashamedly embracing physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and sexual wellbeing. I would define spiritual wellbeing as a sense of the sacredness of self, others and nature — a reverence for Life.
Each of these five areas has four stages of growth : infant, child, adolescent and adult.
Each stage is marked by progression from externally imposed control to internal self-regulation. This applies to both society as a whole and to individuals:
- Physical — as physical infants we are protected by play-pens; as physical adults we protect ourselves
- Mental — as mental infants we are told what to think; as mental adults we think for ourselves
- Spiritual — as spiritual infants we are told to believe dogma; as spiritual adults we follow our own spiritual compass
- Emotional — as emotional infants we are told to shut down our emotions, e.g. anger; as emotional adults we learn to express our emotions appropriately
- Sexual — as sexual infants we are told to find a partner and stick with them; as sexual adults we express our sexuality in controlled, consensual, respectful and appropriate ways
An unconscious shame of our emotions and sexuality prevents us from achieving maturity and responsibility in these areas.
Our immature emotions express themselves in anxiety, panic attacks, self-harm and blaming others whenever we feel hurt. Our immature sexuality expresses itself in sexual phobias, affairs, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and porn addiction.
Shame is the invisible barrier that prevents access to our unconscious.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate”
“Michael is obviously a deep thinker and this combined with his rollicking writing style makes for an easy and entertaining read without losing the wonderful depth of meaning he offers us.”
Joan Morgan McCarthy, author of Peace and Harmony: Reenvisioning Sexuality Education
“THANK YOU for shining a light on this problem. More need to understand the reality of porn and sex addiction and the invitation to identify the deep human woundedness that drives people to these behaviors.”
Lauri Ann Lumby, OM, OPM, MATS
“Michael offers the partners of pornography-users a looking glass, window of opportunity to address their own sexual fears by encouraging conscious and open dialogue — to look at their own sexual wounds and encourage a new and healthier relationship.”
Cherie Roe Dirksen, self-empowerment author
We think we know what it is.
The dictionary defines it as a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behaviour, or a regrettable or unfortunate situation.
We are ashamed of our emotions.
We are ashamed of our physical bodies.
Most of all, we are ashamed of our sexuality.
Unlike the dictionary definition, this shame is not only permanent but entirely unconscious.
Whenever we encounter something that we can’t or won’t talk about, or behaviour that we can’t control, we encounter shame.
…begins by recognising its presence and understanding its mechanics.
What is unconscious shame?
Unconscious shame underlies a wide spectrum of destructive thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
These range from minor issues like the fear of public speaking or the shame of being seen in the toilet, through anxiety or a dislike of being touched, into sexual issues such as porn addiction and premature ejaculation, to the most severe sexual crimes including rape and sexually motivated murder.
What is generational shame?
Unconscious shame is inherited on the basis of epigenetic inheritance, causing the same negative behaviours to repeat from generation to generation.
What are shame-based issues?
Unconscious shame influences a wide variety of destructive behaviours including anxiety, self-harm, porn addiction, honour-based violence and radicalisation.
Some of these are cyclical in nature, where the repetitive destructive action occurs as a distraction from the pain of the underlying shame.
A brief history of shame
Unconscious shame has its origins in our patriarchal past, when emotional and sexual behaviour were violently suppressed until they became repressed.
Shame is difficult to release because it is inherently bound to our survival fears.
Celebrity & criminal shame
Perhaps the clearest way to see unconscious shame in action is to study some famous—or infamous—people whose lives have been shaped or shattered by it.
Are YOU ashamed?
Take the self-test and see whether you are affected by unconscious shame. Spoiler: our entire society is currently affected by shame.
Many of the issues in the test are so widespread they are considered normal. They are not normal; they are normalised. Complete the self-test today!