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Welcome to my site.

It is dedicated to exposing unconscious shame—and the patriarchal beliefs that created it—to achieve complete emotional wellbeing.

Leonardo da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man illustrates the ‘ideal man’. We cannot be ideal humans until we have wellbeing in every area of our lives.

Complete wellbeing means unashamedly embracing our physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and sexual aspects.

Our patriarchal society has historically limited expression of emotions and sexuality (feminine qualities) to a very narrow spectrum—and severely punished violations.

This has created a shame and fear of our emotions and sexuality that prevents us from expressing them healthily.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

Carl Jung

Our shamed emotions manifest in low self-worth, anxiety, self-harm and other cyclical disorders. Our shamed sexuality manifests in phobias, destructive affairs, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and porn addiction.

We can’t control these behaviours because they are unconscious.

Shame is the invisible barrier that prevents access to our unconscious.


“Michael is obviously a deep thinker and this combined with his rollicking writing style makes for an easy and entertaining read without losing the wonderful depth of meaning he offers us.”

Joan Morgan McCarthy, author of Peace and Harmony: Reenvisioning Sexuality Education

“THANK YOU for shining a light on this problem. More need to understand the reality of porn and sex addiction and the invitation to identify the deep human woundedness that drives people to these behaviors.”

Lauri Ann Lumby, OM, OPM, MATS

“Michael offers the partners of pornography-users a looking glass, window of opportunity to address their own sexual fears by encouraging conscious and open dialogue — to look at their own sexual wounds and encourage a new and healthier relationship.”

Cherie Roe Dirksen, self-empowerment author

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Does unconscious shame impact your life? Subscribe and receive a free copy of my simple but revealing self-awareness test, Are YOU ashamed?


Shame

We think we know what it is.

The dictionary defines it as a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behaviour, or a regrettable or unfortunate situation.

Think again.

Why do most of us fear public speaking? Why do we always sit at the back at seminars? Why do we fear exams? Why do we fear change? Why do we dislike being photographed? Why do we dislike our bodies? Why do we hide our sexuality? Why do we feel we can’t cope and struggle with anxiety?

All of these situations involve presenting ourselves to others. We fear them because we fear being found wanting.

So we avoid them through a layer of shame that alters our behaviour.

Unlike the dictionary definition, this shame is not only permanent but entirely unconscious.

Whenever we encounter something we can’t or won’t talk about, or behaviour we can’t control, we encounter shame.

begins by recognising its presence and understanding its mechanics.


What is unconscious shame?

What is unconscious shame?

Unconscious shame underlies a wide spectrum of destructive thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

These range from minor issues like the fear of public speaking or the shame of being seen in the toilet, through anxiety or a dislike of being touched, into sexual issues such as porn addiction and premature ejaculation, to the most severe sexual crimes including rape and sexually motivated murder.


What is generational shame?

What is generational shame?

Unconscious shame is inherited on the basis of epigenetic inheritance, causing the same negative behaviours to repeat from generation to generation.


What are shame-based issues?

What are shame-based issues?

Unconscious shame influences a wide variety of destructive behaviours including anxiety, self-harm, porn addiction, honour-based violence and radicalisation.

Shame is present whenever we try to ‘sweep things under the carpet’. We avoid our shame by distancing ourselves from others and from our own behaviour.


A brief history of shame

A brief history of shame

Unconscious shame has its origins in our patriarchal past, when emotional and sexual behaviour were violently suppressed until they became repressed.

Shame is difficult to release because it is inherently bound to our survival fears.


Celebrity & criminal shame

Celebrity & criminal shame

Perhaps the clearest way to see unconscious shame in action is to study some famous—or infamous—people whose lives have been shaped or shattered by it.


Sunset photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash

Frog photo by Roberto Lopez on Unsplash