shameissues

In my blogs I’ve written extensively on the principles and processes of porn addiction and how to heal it. This blog might be entitled, ‘the philosophy of healing porn addiction’. The core of this philosophy is that the cure is known to the disease. “The cure is always known to the disease” In The Sufis, […]

In blogs such as What is the unconscious?, What are shame-based issues? and How shame affects arrested development I describe the psychological legacy of patriarchy. Here I pull together various strands to describe some of the ways this legacy affects us. A major way is through the automatic, unconscious creation of a ‘false self’. The […]

On 24 February 2020, a 17-year-old boy with a machete entered the Crown Spa massage parlour in Toronto and attacked three people. Ashley Arzaga, 24, died at the scene. Two others, a woman and a man, were seriously injured. The boy reportedly identified with the ‘incel’, or involuntary celibacy movement. The boy was charged with […]

My journey into unconscious shame began with porn addiction and ended with the mother wound. And here it is—the blog that ties together the two ends of a very long thread. In the gazillion porn images I was only ever looking for healthy nurturing. The image for this blog, a stunning mosaic by Napoleon Cole, […]

In the Wachowski brothers’ iconic film The Matrix, wise Morpheus offers the acolyte Neo a choice. “You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill… and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.” Neo must choose between […]

In Hessa – my first experience of porn I wrote about seeing porn at 10 when I was exposed to a softcore sex comic in Switzerland. The comic was part of a series called ‘Hessa’: The Hessa series spanned 47 episodes from 1970 to 1972. They followed the improbably sex-sodden adventures of Obersturmbahnfuherin (I think I got […]

Have you ever noticed—I aim this question at the afflicted amongst you—that watching porn raises your energy levels? Have you noticed that you could surf for porn all night, pinging from image to image, video to video, genre to genre, producer to producer, porn star to porn star, sex act to sex act? In this […]

When the urge to surf for porn comes over us, it often reaches a point where we can’t help but give in, no matter how much we want to break our porn habit. And as soon as we see that first porn image and get that first sexual high—boom—we’re gone on the merry-go-round of rapidly […]

In What is ancestral trauma?, I wrote how traumas that occurred thousands of years ago yet remain embedded as genetic memories in our collective unconscious. As we go deep into our healing journey, these age-old traumas can surface for resolution through porn. In that post, I posited the origin of these traumas: How far back […]

It’s a common misconception that lap-dancing clubs, or gentlemen’s clubs, as they are otherwise (and somewhat euphemistically) known, sell sex*. What they actually sell is an invisible boundary between fake sex and real sex. The purpose of lap-dancing clubs is to give men the impression that they are sexually attractive and proficient when the reality […]