shame

In a post a few months ago I posed the question, Does patriarchy traumatise the feminine? At the time, I was pretty certain that it did—that patriarchy arose through the institutionalised denigration of the feminine: It’s hard to imagine how the goddess-worshipping hunter-gatherer cultures of the Neolithic period gave way to patriarchy. What was that […]

Edwin Longsden Long’s 1875 painting, The Babylonian Marriage Market, is monumental in more ways than one. Firstly, in size: the painting measures 10 feet by 5 feet 8 inches. Secondly, in value: in 1882 it sold for £6,615, at that time a record price for a painting. Thirdly, and most importantly, it provides a window […]

Carl Jung wrote, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Despite this admonition from one of the leading figures of psychoanalysis, and despite the recognition that we all have unconscious aspects of ourselves, few people seem to ask the questions that start to unravel Jung’s […]

Leonardo Da Vinci’s drawing, the Vitruvian Man, has always fascinated me. Drawn around 1490, Da Vinci’s drawing is named after the Roman architect Vetruvius. He not only stipulated the physical proportions of the ‘ideal man’ but also hypothesised that such a figure would fit inside both square and circle. The complex geometry of the Vitruvian […]

In recent months I’ve been having the same conversation over and over with people who are involved in personal development, building emotional integrity and improving the quality of their relationships: there is a hole at the heart of their most significant relationship, their marriage. It’s the hole where we hide our truest selves from the […]

I have been writing about shame for a long time. About how patriarchy created societies where everyone was ashamed of the emotional and sexual aspects of their lives because these conflicted with other qualities—strength, intelligence, obedience—that were required to ensure survival. This shame exists as layers of emotional toxins stored in both the emotional body—what […]

Sometimes, we all need to hear this: there is a you-shaped space in the jigsaw puzzle of the world. Your uniqueness is valued. You are enough. Jigsaw I write this because yesterday I was the person who needed to hear this. I was doing some research for a book I’m writing, and was reading a […]

I have written a lot about shame, and I have written a lot about patriarchy. But never before have I articulated the connection between them so clearly. Shame is the lock that keeps patriarchy in place. This realisation came to me after reading Proverbs chapter 7, verse 13, in the bible (Contemporary English Version): “She […]

“It’s not your fault.” In the Oscar-winning film Good Will Hunting, much-loved actor Robin Williams plays a psychologist who treats an angry, uncommunicative South Boston janitor (played by Matt Damon) who turns out to be a self-taught mathematical genius. In the film’s cathartic moment, Williams’ psychologist repeatedly tells Will Hunting that his mental issues are […]

It’s 8:30 on a Friday night and I’m seated at the bar of Revoluciòn de Cuba in Milton Keynes’ egregiously titled Theatre District. A mixologist who clearly loves his job has just made me an off-the-menu fruit mocktail, its taste dominated by the sour punch of lime. I’m chatting with friends while Caribbean beats pulse […]