In this Evolutionary Tools series we’ve looked at a lot of useful emotional tools. Some of the tools we need at our sides all the time, like a carpenter who wears a tool-belt of essential tools. Other tools sit in our toolbox and gather dust till we need them. Today’s tool is a little bit different: sincerity.
Sincerity isn’t a tool in it’s own right, it’s an attitude that envelops everything we do while trying to evolve the next version of ourselves. Sincerity is more like how we hold other tools.
Sincerity is like that protective matting that mechanics sometimes put beneath a vehicle when they’re working on it. So why is the image for this blog post a dog?
Because—unlike cats—dogs are always sincere.
We apply most emotional tools to the best of our ability and we get results in accordance with that. The more forgiveness we allow, the more the past releases its grip. The more courage we have, the more ‘fortune favours the (emotionally) brave’.
Sincerity is more binary—either on or off. Dogs either bark at you or lick you to death. They shy away or they eat out of your hand. They saunter past you, nose to the ground, or they rear up and land their muddy paws on your clean trousers while grinning and slobbering at you.
Like dogs, sincerity has no middle ground. You can’t be slightly sincere… somewhat sincere… mostly sincere. And you certainly can’t fake sincerity. You’re either sincere or you’re not.
Like dogs, sincerity has no middle ground. You can’t be slightly sincere… somewhat sincere… mostly sincere. And you certainly can’t fake sincerity. You’re either sincere or you’re not. The outcomes you experience will reflect this.
Let’s say you’re in a committed heterosexual relationship. One day you find yourself attracted to a person of the same gender. Oh my God! This is scary! You’re no longer sure who you are and whether your current relationship is viable. So you ignore it for a while, but the feelings—and the pressure—grow. You finally recognise you have to do something.
But what? Every move seems fraught with dangers. Not little dangers, either: big, earth-shaking, all-or-nothing life changes. So you dive into your toolkit and start waving your emotional spanners around. You meditate. You pray. You get a reading from a free online Tarot card site. Yeah, that went well.
All this only increases your anxiety. The fundamental issue hasn’t shifted—or perhaps it’s become more pressing. It’s time to check your sincerity.
If your inner dialogue is saying, “I want to resolve this but I want to keep my current partner,” or “I want to have a relationship with this new person but I want to keep it under the radar,” or “I want to resolve this but I don’t want it to be messy,” you’re being insincere.
Be aware that you may not hear this dialogue. You may be secretly clinging to a specific outcome. In your determination to do so—by avoiding any dissenting thoughts—you’re drowning your inner voice.
If you’re consciously or unconsciously trying to manipulate a situation, the gods of evolution will not play ball with you. The only way to be sure that you’re not unconsciously insincere is to be consciously sincere.
Your inner dialogue becomes, “I want to resolve this situation for the highest good of all. I recognise and accept that the holy excrement may hit the rotating cooling device with all its might and glory.”
Boom! Then not only can change come in, but grace can too. Grace oils the wheels of change to make messy, necessary changes happen as smoothly as possible. So, anytime you’re stuck, check your sincerity.