When we’re caught in the middle of an emotional crisis, under incredible pressure yet simultaneously trapped, the question arises: what do I do? Which tool in the emotional toolbox do I turn to? The answer is vulnerability.


There’s an old saying that runs, “When one door closes, another one opens.” It’s a folksy way of saying that nature abhors a vacuum. What does nature abhorring a vacuum have to do with getting unstuck and evolving the next version of you?


If you want change, generate a vacuum. To generate a vacuum, become vulnerable. Vulnerability means opening the door to change, painful change. It means recognising the dynamic of ‘breaking down to break through’.

By deliberately placing yourself in a vulnerable state you consciously close the door on some outworn aspect of yourself, letting it fall away.

By deliberately placing yourself in a vulnerable state you consciously close the door on some outworn aspect of yourself, letting it fall away. On an energetic level, this creates a vacuum.

What steps into this vacuum? Something that resonates with the new, improved you. How soon does it manifest? That depends.


Learning to clear emotional issues is like a muscle. It takes a while to gain fitness. When we’re new to personal development work, after closing an old door it can take a while before the new one opens.

This is because there is a latency period between the old psychic energy falling away and the new energy manifesting in your life.

This latency exists because in emotional terms we’re immature.

We don’t know what we’re doing, we don’t take responsibility for what we do, and—above all—we’re willing to blame or harm others when we feel wronged.

As a result nature keeps a brake on us. We are creators with training wheels. We can’t become masters of manifestation until we become harmless. The more we learn to take responsibility for our emotions, the quicker we manifest change. The faster nature fills the vacuum.


That’s all very well. It doesn’t change the fact that vulnerability is painful and scary. You’re deliberately opening yourself up to feel buried, unprocessed pain.

That requires faith and courage—the faith to believe that something better will manifest and the courage to go through the break down/break through process to manifest that improvement.

So take a deep breath and go for it. Run some deep, conscious breathing to connect to the infinite flow of life. Then pay attention. You may notice that you have a slight but constant tension as you keep your emotions in check. That’s what patriarchal societies condition us to do. We’re supposed to keep our emotions in check. None of that awkward and messy stuff; thank you.

The tap

So relax. Allow whatever wants to come up to come up. You’re in a failsafe system. Your body wants to release and refresh. Let it guide you. Let the pain and the tears come.

Just because you’re vulnerable doesn’t mean that you’re out of control. Imagine the pain is coming out of a tap. You can turn it down—or even turn it off—at any time. Keep it right on the limit of what you can manage.

The more vulnerable you become the more pain you can process and the greater the vacuum you create. Into that vacuum will step something new and shiny and beautiful. It’s all very mechanical once you understand how.

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash