In The Politics of Experience, psychologist R.D. Laing writes: “When our personal worlds are rediscovered… we discover first a shambles… genitals dissociated from heart; heart severed from head; heads dissociated from genitals.”

Untangling this mess and turning the “shambles” into an emotionally cohesive human being requires two journeys. I describe them in The journey from the genitals to the heart:

The first is the well-recognised trek from the head to the heart. The second, barely acknowledged even by experienced voyagers in our personal worlds, is much longer, more arduous, more hazardous, and trodden by far less travellers than that from the head to the heart: the journey from the genitals to the heart.

The stages of this journey relate to our understanding of the purpose of sex:

  1. Procreation
  2. Sharing love in a relationship
  3. Sharing pleasure in a relationship
  4. Sharing pleasure outside a relationship
  5. Healing
  6. Self-regulation

The journey from the genitals to the heart goes from a masculine- to a feminine-centric paradigm, from a narrow focus on penetrative sex towards embracing sexuality in its widest sense.

This ultimately converges with the journey from the head to the heart to create an integrated human being with both intellect and genitals in service to the heart.

5. Healing

Growing liberation from sexual shame carries the stalwart traveller into the realm of sexual healing—the realm of female-centric Tantric sexuality. Tantra views every woman as the living embodiment of the divine femininity to which we all owe our existence.

“A Tantrist worships the cosmic Shakti in all women.”

— André van Lysebeth

Here sex slows down.

Breathing, touching and eye contact become the instruments of eroticism, capable of simultaneously giving and receiving both pleasure and life-altering healing. Sexual traumas can be accessed and released through heart-centred, ritualised sexual touch.

Tantric massage workshops are one way to access sexual healing and can hugely assist in reconnecting the heart and the genitals.

Beware that not all these workshops are created equal; discernment and self-responsibility are required. Lead with your heart and you will be drawn to whatever your personal healing journey requires.

The shame-ridden West has no real equivalent to Tantra; few understand the extraordinary nurturing and healing that sexual energy, consciously guided by the heart, can provide.

6. Self-regulation

Finally, when we’ve purged the patriarchal sexual paradigm from our DNA and enough healing has been done—it happens, just like the flick of a switch. Our genital energy suddenly and unmistakably flows into our heart… and with that, we achieve self-regulation.

No more idiocy trying to impress women, no more chasing after sex. It’s all inside us now, under the sway of the heart. The key thing is no longer actual sex but our sense of connection to our own sexuality.

This is a whole world away from our current situation, where most men’s behaviour is either repressed (socially approved) or uncontrolled (socially disapproved). Yet the journey from the genitals to the heart is so mired in shame that it is, at present, largely unrecognised. R.D. Laing saw this half a century ago:

“If the human race survives, future men will, I suspect, look back on our enlightened epoch as a veritable age of Darkness.”

— R.D. Laing

The further along this journey, the more mystical it becomes. Both Christian and Jewish mysticism take on erotic overtones as they approach the Godhead. It’s the only language we have to describe these consciousness-expanding experiences.

Keegan Houser