We tend to think of sex as a component of our love lives, and that’s it. When we have a romantic partner, we have sex with them. Period.
We tend not to think about sexuality, as distinct from sex. Sex is making love. Sexuality is going for a nude swim and loving the feel of water on your skin.
But sexual energy—the energy behind our sexuality—does not just involve our sexual expression and libido. There is a quadrant of energies allied to this core sexual energy. All of them are powerful and desirable.
When we suppress or repress our sexuality—which is inherent in the structure of our patriarchy-based society—we also squash these allied energies. They are creativity, passion, playfulness and confidence.
Creativity is a fairly obvious bedfellow of sexual energy. Sexual energy is the energy of procreation, of birthing new life. Artists birth their creations into the world by accessing their sexual energy. Artists are sometimes known for their high sex drives, and that’s no coincidence. Singers Michael Jackson and George Michael have made the news due to their wayward sexual impulses.
Passion is the obvious wellspring of sexual energy—romantic excitement and physical sex. This is a thunderous energy that can flow in our lives like a torrent, sweeping away everything in its path.
Due to our deeply patriarchal past, we have demonised sex for pleasure to such an extent that the inherent playfulness of sex is barely recognised. Yet sex can be so playful. If we allow playfulness into our sex lives, we allow playfulness into our lives. People who are ashamed of their sexuality tend to be rigid and—what’s the opposite of playful?—dislike games, particularly bedroom ones.
Confidence is perhaps the least understood energy here, the last thing likely to be associated with sexuality. The fact is, a person who is sexually confident will be confident in all areas of their life. Conversely, anyone ashamed of their sexual nature and closed down in the bedroom will lack general confidence in life.
The opposite of confidence is anxiety. It’s no coincidence that in our anxiety-ridden society, people are sexually unconfident, lack playfulness, passion and creativity. They all go hand-in-hand (or hand-on-sex-organ 😊).
It’s no coincidence that in our anxiety-ridden society, people are sexually unconfident, lack playfulness, passion and creativity. They all go hand-in-hand (or hand-on-sex-organ 😊).
I can personally attest that releasing sexual shame not only opens up our sexual expression but also fosters all the qualities I’ve listed here.
We are complicated beings. Our left-brain dominant thinking likes to divide everything up neatly and compartmentalise it. Sex is sex. End of. It’s not that simple. Our sexual energy is a ‘bundle’ that carries multiple sub-strands, like an electrical cable.
Cultivate your sexual energy—release your shame around it—and watch the other aspects of the sexual energy quadrant blossom in your life.