At a glance
- Created When Chemistry goes Bang!, a primary school musical on the emotional roots of extreme behaviour, for the Milton Keynes Council
- Created Stepping Stones, a primary school workshop to build resilience to radicalisation, with the Milton Keynes Council
- Co-founded CandleSpark, a community organisation providing peer support for self-harm and education to agencies including Milton Keynes Police Community Support Officers
- Part of ChildLine Schools Service team delivering workshops on recognising and preventing all types of abuse
- Creating X out of XXX porn addiction recovery workshop and online course
- NCFE-certified Advanced Diploma in Life Coaching
How did I get into the business of unconscious shame? Unconsciously, of course. I wasn’t even born at the time.
In 1932, my grandmother had an affair. My grandfather not only divorced her, but went to court for custody of my mother. He was a retired Royal Air Force Wing Commander, twice decorated for bravery in the Great War; she was an adulteress. He won.
This emotionally destroyed my mother. The shame that her mother had abandoned her crippled her for life. There was a similar tale on my father’s side. As a sensitive child, thanks to generational shame (epigenetic inheritance) I inherited my parents’ unresolved traumatic feelings of abandonment and sexual shame.
I became a software developer for industrial and governmental clients in New Zealand, Asia, North America, and Britain. While my career flourished, my personal life didn’t. As a result I began—unconsciously at first—to apply my analytical skills to my own emotional processes. This led to the realisation that I was deeply ashamed of myself—an unconscious shame that locked me into disempowering beliefs and dysfunctional behaviours.
It took me a while to realise this unconscious shame is endemic. It surfaces in a fear of public speaking or being photographed. In fears of authority, responsibility and commitment. In embarrassment with bodily functions and sexuality. It underlies anxiety, panic attacks, addictions and self-harm, as well as all dysfunctional sexual behaviour.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate”
Clearing unconscious shame is a messy business. I have made mistakes. I have acted inappropriately. I’ve hurt people I care about. Yet, as Carl Jung reminds us, to lead a fully conscious life we must journey into its depths.
This led me into the world of education, where I became the Chair of Governors of my son’s primary school. In 2010 I was commissioned by the Thames Valley Police to create a primary school musical on the emotional roots of extreme behaviour. When Chemistry goes Bang! has been staged at several schools in Milton Keynes.
In 2016 I partnered with the Milton Keynes Council to create Stepping Stones: building school capacity to resist radicalisation. This workshop has been successfully delivered to local primary schools.
I was part of the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children’s ChildLine Schools Service, educating primary school children to recognise all forms of abuse. I also have an NCFE-certified Advanced (Level 4) Diploma in Life Coaching from Stonebridge College.
I am a Toastmaster. I enjoy portrait and life modelling.
My blog posts focus on the emotional history of patriarchy and the damaging effects of shame, particularly on men’s wellbeing. I also post about the accelerated personal growth process known as Ascension that highly sensitive people are increasingly experiencing. I post about once a week.
“I would like to thank you for your 7 Ascension truths article. It is, without doubt, one of the best written, explanatory articles on the evolutionary process known as Ascension, humans (well, all life) are experiencing, I have yet to read.” — Patricia
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