At a glance

  • Created When Chemistry goes Bang!, a primary school musical on the emotional roots of extreme behaviour, for the Milton Keynes Council
  • Created Stepping Stones, a primary school workshop to build resilience to radicalisation, with the Milton Keynes Council
  • Co-founded CandleSpark, a community organisation providing peer support for self-harm and education to agencies including Milton Keynes Police Community Support Officers
  • Part of ChildLine Schools Service team delivering workshops on recognising and preventing all types of abuse
  • Creating X out of XXX porn addiction recovery workshop and online course
  • NCFE-certified Advanced Diploma in Life Coaching

My story

How did I get into the business of unconscious shame? Unconsciously, of course. I wasn’t even born at the time.

In 1932, my grandmother had an affair. My grandfather not only divorced her, but went to court for custody of my mother. He was a retired Royal Air Force Wing Commander, twice decorated for bravery in the Great War; she was an adulteress. He won.

This emotionally destroyed my mother. The shame that her mother had abandoned her crippled her for life. There was a similar tale on my father’s side. As a sensitive child, thanks to generational shame (epigenetic inheritance) I inherited my parents’ unresolved traumatic feelings of abandonment and sexual shame.

I became a software developer for industrial and governmental clients in New Zealand, Asia, North America, and Britain. While my career flourished, my personal life didn’t. As a result I began—unconsciously at first—to apply my analytical skills to my own emotional processes. This led to the realisation that I was deeply ashamed of myself—an unconscious shame that locked me into disempowering beliefs and dysfunctional behaviours.

It took me a while to realise this unconscious shame is endemic. It surfaces in a fear of public speaking or being photographed. In fears of authority, responsibility and commitment. In embarrassment with bodily functions and sexuality. It underlies anxiety, panic attacks, addictions and self-harm, as well as all dysfunctional sexual behaviour.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate”

Carl Jung

Clearing unconscious shame is a messy business. I have made mistakes. I have acted inappropriately. I’ve hurt people I care about. Yet, as Carl Jung reminds us, to lead a fully conscious life we must journey into its depths.

This led me into the world of education, where I became the Chair of Governors of my son’s primary school. In 2010 I was commissioned by the Thames Valley Police to create a primary school musical on the emotional roots of extreme behaviour. When Chemistry goes Bang! has been staged at several schools in Milton Keynes.

In 2016 I partnered with the Milton Keynes Council to create Stepping Stones: building school capacity to resist radicalisation. This workshop has been successfully delivered to local primary schools.

I was part of the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children’s ChildLine Schools Service, educating primary school children to recognise all forms of abuse. I also have an NCFE-certified Advanced (Level 4) Diploma in Life Coaching from Stonebridge College.

I am a Toastmaster. I enjoy portrait and life modelling.

My blog posts focus on the emotional history of patriarchy and the damaging effects of shame, particularly on men’s wellbeing. I also post about the accelerated personal growth process known as Ascension that highly sensitive people are increasingly experiencing. I post about once a week.

“I would like to thank you for your 7 Ascension truths article. It is, without doubt, one of the best written, explanatory articles on the evolutionary process known as Ascension, humans (well, all life) are experiencing, I have yet to read.” — Patricia

Disclaimer

This is my personal site. All the opinions expressed herein are mine as at the time of posting. They do not in any way represent the opinions of any organisation that I may be associated with or employed by.

While I am responsible for what is posted on this site, you are responsible for how you interpret it as it will vary with the filter of your own life experience. Please use discernment.

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